What Defines You as a Mother?

What defines you as a Mother?

When I first became a mama over 5 years ago, doing certain things defined me as a mother.

For awhile I described myself as a ‘breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering mama.’ And, while I did all of those things (and still do), they don’t define me as a mother.

Now, I do these ‘natural mama’ things because they are what work for me and my family.

  • Breastfeeding all 3 of my babies has been easy. But, I know it’s not easy for every mama.
  • I wear my babies because it makes taking my children places so much easier. Wearing my babies also allows me to fix dinner, fold clothes, wipe bottoms and do other household tasks even when my baby does not want to be put down.
  • We cloth diaper because it saves our family money. Diapers are expensive and I love that we’re able to reuse our diapers over and over and have saved a lot of money over the past 5 years of diapering. But, cloth diapering doesn’t work for every family and that is perfectly fine.

Now that my oldest son is 5, my thoughts on birth and taking care of babies do not define who I am as a mother because I realize that there is so much more to mothering than how babies are born, diapered or fed.

With my oldest being kindergarten age now, we’ll officially start homeschooling this fall. ‘Homeschool mama’ will be a way to describe myself, but it’s not going to define me.

Who I am as a mother is so much more than how my child is educated. Our family chooses to homeschool for our reasons and other families choose public or private schools for their reasons but we all want the best for our children.

Being a mom should not be about trying to prove that we’re better than other moms because of the way we give birth, care for babies or educate our children.

No matter how a child is born, how they are fed, diapered or educated, they’re all children. And, all children have tantrums, get sick, fight with siblings and leave their mamas exhausted.

Being a mama is hard and the last thing we need to do is define ourselves by what we do or don’t do and compare ourselves to other moms.

Instead of viewing motherhood as a competition, it should be viewed as a sisterhood. We need to remember that we’re all in this together.

We need to encourage one another. We need to support one another. We need to help one another.

We need to let love, support, help and encouragement define us as mothers.

What defines you as a mother? 

Encouraging books about motherhood:

Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe

Mom Enough: The Fearless Mother’s Heart and Hope

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responses to “What Defines You as a Mother?” 10

  1. I loved this post! You are so right, different things work for different people and we shouldn’t judge each other, we should support each other.

    Thanks for the great post!!

  2. Yes! We should all support each other. Motherhood is not a competition.

    What defines me as a mother? Hopefully the same things that define me as a person. One of the big things that I hope characterizes my interactions with my children is that I want to take their (and all people's) communications seriously, and I try to respond in love, whether to my little ones, my grandparents, my partner, or all of the other people I encounter in my life.

  3. What a great post! I'm only 5 years into mothering as well, and I've also seen how quickly we can attach and lose labels that we either choose or have been tagged onto us. After all, our cloth diapering will only be for a season. And I sure won't be able to wear my babies forever either!

    It is for this reason that I've been super intentional to not pigeon-hole myself into what methods or products I might use for raising my children. If you asked me what defines me as a mother, I'd probably answer something like: "As a mother, I want to be fun. Nurturing. Empowering. Kind. Genuine. Creative. Gentle." I fail daily but I want my kids to see that no matter how bad I mess up, I always run back to Jesus' grace– to receive it and then to extend it back to them.

    Thanks for this reminder, Rachel!

  4. I could not agree more. There are very few absolutes in motherhood, and what works for one family may not work for another — and that's ok! Here's to supporting other mamas and the choices they make without judgement and with understanding. Well put Rachel.

  5. This is so true and something I struggle with all the time b/c I'm a full time working mother but that doesn't mean that I love my children any less than the stay at home mother. I think of it as having to better organize my schedule so that my time at home with them is very "intentional".

  6. As a working mother, my hope is that my children feel important to me despite the fact that I still have a household to run. What I mean is, I don't see them the first half of the day and while trying to give them my attention in the afternoon/evening I still have cleaning to do, laundry to wash, bills to pay – the list never ends! I never want them to feel like my job is more important. I mean, it's not a career for me, just a job, and I have been working so hard to make sure to not let a bad day at work come home with me and then I am angry with everyone! I've made progress and I hope I continue to 🙂

    Also, I hope love defines me. I want them to always feel loved, even when I am upset. In the past, that has meant setting aside my anger/frustration with them in certain situations to give them a hug and tell them I love them very much and I'm just frustrated.

    I often feel like a "bad mom" because I'm not into Pinterest, I'm not crafty or I take them to McDonald's way more than I'd like because we are on-the-go so much and I just can't find the time to pack lunches and/or dinners for us always. People in our lives make their comments about something I did/do and I am learning to just let it go. Mothers want the best for their families and the beauty of that is it doesn't have to look the same for everyone! We all figure out what works of us and we need to learn to support each other, despite our differences! It all comes down to love. As long as we love, it will all be good 🙂

  7. Thanks for sharing this post. After becoming mom, we have top take so responsibility. We are happy to accept these responsibility. Being mom, we are success in our life. Keep posting this type of valuable article.

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