The first 15 months of my second son’s life were the most intense months of my life. These months stretched and refined me so much.
Having my first baby and adjusting to life with him was so simple. Having my second and adjusting to life with two, one of which was a high need baby, was hard.
There were days when I wanted to run away. There were days when I felt like I was a horrible mother. There were days when I felt like my children needed another mother. There were days when I would just cry.
When he was 7 months old, I felt like I was at the end of myself and went to talk to a Christian counselor. I was concerned I was suffering from postpartum depression but through talking with her, I came to the realization that the biggest issue was my perfectionism.
When he was born, I knew life would change with two children, but I wasn’t expecting it to change as much as it did. I wanted to continue spending quality one on one time with Paxton, continue working as a transcriptionist from home, and keep our home running smoothly, just to name the big ones.
My desire for structure and order did not fit neatly into life with children, especially life with a very needy baby. I identified the need to give up my expectations and focus on nurturing my children more and worrying less about managing my home.
In terms of the perfectionism, I am still working towards overcoming perfectionism. It’s something I constantly pray about and make efforts daily to have a healthy balance with perfectionism and mothering.
While living through these intense months of life with a high needs baby, I just wanted life to get easy. Now that those days are over, I look back and am so thankful for the challenges his babyhood presented me.
Thanks to Weston, I have learned so much about myself and most importantly have realized my complete need for dependence on God in my daily life.
Mothering him has made me a better mother. I have been stretched to the limit and refined through the stretching. I’ve learned to focus more on my children and their needs instead of constantly thinking about the things I want or need to do.
I view his babyhood as such a blessing. Without the experience of mothering a high need baby, I would not be the woman I am today.
Next post in the Parenting Your High Need Baby series: 7 Tips for Thriving with a High Need Baby
I highly recommend The Fussy Baby Book: Parenting Your High-Need Child From Birth to Age Five. It’s such an encouraging resource for parents of high need’s babies!
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