Being a mama comes with so much joy and at the same time is so hard.
Some days I feel like my heart is going to burst because of all the joy and love and happiness that comes with mothering. And then there are days that I think there’s no way I’m going to make it through the day without going crazy.
Yesterday was one of those days.
My 4-month–old did not want to be put down at all and wasn’t really happy when I was holding him unless he was nursing. Then my 2-year-old had probably the most rambunctious day of his life. Just about everything I asked was ignored, I was told ‘no’ and hit by him. Add to that deadline week for my transcribing job (needless to say not much was accomplished) and the fact my husband works late on Thursdays, I was ready to just put the boys in bed (and wait for my husband come home to cry and complain to him.)
And, I did.
I put Paxton in his crib, changed the baby and was just about to put Weston down when I decided that I had the choice to end the day for my boys on a positive note.
I grabbed their Bible story book, got Paxton out of his crib and sat in the kid sized recliner in their room with both of my boys on my lap. We read the story together. There is something about reading that just seems to bond children and parents. My frustrations of the day began to melt away and I was thankful for the moment, the two sweet babies that I’ve been blessed with and I no longer wanted to run away from it all.
Our bedtime prayer wasn’t the typical bedtime prayer for our toddler, it was a prayer for me, as a mother. I prayed for patience, for self control, for love, for joy, for gentleness. I often think being a parent, from the perspective of a Christ follower, isn’t about raising children as much as it is being personally refined by God. My sin nature is evident every day as I’m teaching my little sons and trying to point them towards Christ. And I find myself more dependent on Him in raising my children.
After prayer, I kissed the boys and put them in their cribs and they both quietly drifted off to sleep.
Instead of ending my day focusing in on all of the frustrations, I began to reflect on the joys of the past few days.
- While I was gathering a load of laundry a few days ago, Paxton comes pushing his little cart loaded with laundry he’s retrieved from the clothes hampers.
- He loves checking for eggs each day and does a wonderful job carrying them inside. (He tries to be careful, we’ve had a few cracks but it’s okay!)
- He is constantly coming to me with books he wants to read, either he wants me read them to him or for him ‘read’ to me.
- Weston has found his sweet little feet and looks so precious holding on to his feet and trying to put them in his mouth.
- The fact he loves to be held does make me less productive but it is so nice to know that just having him in my arms makes him feel loved and comforted.
- Watching my two boys interact is so much fun. In fact, Weston pulled Paxton’s hair for the first time last week…and so it begins!
But, there is joy in this journey and by focusing on the positive things, you maintain joy in your mothering!
(Happy Mothers Day! Especially to my mama and my wonderful mother-in-law who raised an amazing man!)